YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

Traditions:  they help define who we are

By Benny Bong

In the musical, “Fiddler on the Roof”, Tevye the milkman, observed how quickly and fundamentally, the Jewish community living in Tsarist Russia in 1905 was changing.  He was especially concerned about this with respect to his responsibility of seeing that his five daughters found good husbands.  In one memorable scene, Tevye lamented how traditions were being discontinued and how these traditions helped define people.

Does tradition have a place in a modern globalised city-state like Singapore? What traditions do you and your family practise? What does practising them say about you, your family values or your faith?

Some traditions or cultural practices (and I am liberally using these terms interchangeably) are so commonplace that we take them for granted. I was reminded of one when a young man I met briefly greeted me with the salutation, “Hello, uncle”. This may seem rather ordinary except for the fact that this was in England where the common polite greeting would be just “Hello” or “Good morning”.

The young man is a Chinese student from Singapore and he was acknowledging a fellow clansman. We are of course not biologically related. This familial greeting identifies a deeper common identity – an identity that goes beyond clan, nationality and even ethnicity. One can address an older person, whether Chinese, Indian or Malay, as Uncle or Aunty.

The sad fate that seems to befall many traditions is that in time, the meaning behind the words and gestures are lost and with this, their practice wanes. Yet human kind is such that we are not bereft of traditions because as soon as old ones died out, new ones evolve. Examples of new traditions include the introduction of Valentine’s Day and the almost universal observance of the Christmas celebration.

Let me highlight three points of concern with respect to traditions, the loss of old, and the evolution of new practices. Firstly, with each loss, something perhaps more fundamental may also be forgotten. An example is the practice of the family sitting together for a meal. These days, family meals follow more of a cafeteria-style self-service model. Each family member collects his food and disappears into his own world or assembles before the television screen. Not only are we experiencing the lost art of eating together, but with it, a lost opportunity to interact and be in touch with each other in a relaxed and unhurried fashion. With our varied and busy schedules, is it possible to reinstate this for at least one meal a week?

Secondly, it is important to see that we are not blindly adopting new traditions which have their own set of expectations. The example of Valentine’s Day comes to mind.  During this eventful day, many youngsters would go to great lengths to be either seen receiving or giving roses. This flower becomes a badge to signify that one is seen as desirable.

Thirdly, as traditions evolve, they can go beyond the point of losing their original meaning and purpose. Soon, we will be observing Christmas. Yet there are so many things that are done during this period, and in its name, that are unchristian, like gluttony, wastage and drunkenness.  The symbols that try to remind us of the Christmas message are, unfortunately, crowded out by fake snow, reindeer and Santa Clauses. When this happens, there is the danger of forgetting its true significance and meaning.  Christians celebrating Christmas may appear to be no different from others.