WHAT SPIRITUALITY MEANS TO ME

By Niam Kai Huey

I HAD MY FIRST SILENT RETREAT in 1994 when I was privileged to have Joyce Huggett, a Christian author and retreat leader, as my retreat director. It was a challenging and frightening experience when I came to realise that I did not really know how to be still to wait upon the Lord.

For three days, she wanted me to simply listen to her cassette tape entitled “Teach Us to Pray” and follow the instructions of the tape over and over again until I was saturated by the scripture text and filled with the presence of God. She then recommended two books, Coming to God in the Stillness (Jim Borst) and Listening to God (Joyce Hugget), for me to continue in my pursuit of this discipline after the retreat.

The more I put into practice what I learnt from these two enlightening books, the more I felt drawn into contemplative prayer. I began to apply some of the suggested ways of prayer into my pastoral ministry and was very encouraged by the ways the people responded to it.

As I progressed, the desire of accompanying others along this path became stronger and stronger. I am convinced that, eventually, what really matters is our deep relationship with God, not so much on what we have achieved for God. All other ministries must ultimately point back to a centre, which is a personal, intimate relationship with God. The sense of calling to the ministry of spiritual direction has, thus, become stronger and clearer over the years.

Spiritual direction has since been a means of grace for me. As I look back, I am grateful that God has helped me grow through this ministry in the following areas:

·         Getting in touch with my inner world, and teaching me, a “thinker” and basically task-oriented, to becoming more people-oriented and an attained “feeler”.

·         Becoming more and more at ease in engaging others in depth and facing my true self. It is not just about head-to-head talk, but also heart-to-heart talk, although this takes intentional effort.

·         Being active as well as contemplative is very helpful as I have moved from a ministry staff worker-cum-trainer role into ordained ministry.

·         Heightening my awareness and sensitivity to the needs of the parishioners whom God has entrusted to me.

Spiritual direction, to me, therefore, means a progressive growth under God’s guidance through the means of spiritual directors, from the basic disciplines of the spiritual life to the height of Christian perfection, from finding the balance between task and people, head and heart.

The Rev Dr Niam Kai Huey is an Associate Pastor of Yishun Methodist Mission, Hinghwa Methodist Church, and the Director of DISCIPLE Agency.  She is also a practising spiritual director.